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Funny Facebook statuses
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Every time i see a hitch-hiker i just pretend that they`re trying to tell me i`m doing a great driving job.
Status By: anonymous
Cats have 32 muscles in each ear to help them ignore the shit out of you.
Status By: anonymous
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
Status By: anonymous
Google+ is the gym of social networking: We all join, but nobody actually uses it.
Status By: anonymous
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I`m not beating her.
Status By: anonymous
Do you serve woman at this bar? No sir, you must bring your own.
Status By: anonymous
"I wasn`t THAT drunk!" Dude, you were running circles around my car screaming "WHICH SEAT CAN I TAKE!?!?"
Status By: anonymous
You`re such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship & there was only one life jacket... I`d miss you a lot & think of you often.
Status By: anonymous
me: it’s too hot
me: *opens window* *in comes 20 flies, 8 spiders, 17 daddy long legs, 50 moths, 3 dragons and 12 Jehovah’s witnesses*
Status By: anonymous
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “northwest.”
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