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Funny Facebook statuses
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GPS says "arrival time". I see "Time to beat".
Status By: anonymous
Message to all Funeral Directors: tie the deceased persons shoelaces together! At least that way during the zombie apocalypse we have a head start and a few laughs!
Status By: anonymous
That awkward moment when Eminem is eating M&M`s...Flo-Rida is in Florida... and 50 Cents has 2 quarters.
Status By: anonymous
Harry Potter fans: I wanna go to Hogwarts.
Narnia fans: I wanna go to Narnia.
Hunger Games fans: Nope I`m good.
Status By: anonymous
Scientists say the universe is made up of: protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
Status By: anonymous
"Low Battery, connect charger"
Um, you`re a smart phone, connect your damn self!"
Status By: anonymous
If you put headphones in your nose and play music, your mouth will turn into a speaker.
Status By: anonymous
Everyone has that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper.
Status By: anonymous
My favorite part of attending a Marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
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