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Funny Facebook statuses

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do u have those people that you’d go anywhere with unconditionally? like they could say “lets go check out that dumpster” & u’d be like “im in”
Status By: anonymous
“why”
"because i said so”
good one mom you should be a lawyer
Status By: anonymous
Spanish:
Mi papá tiene 47 años = my dad is 47 years old
Mi papa tiene 47 anos = my potato has 47 assholes
Status By: anonymous
Date someone who spoils you, always says how beautiful you are, and never thinks you`ve had enough to eat. Date your grandma.
Status By: anonymous
my mom likes to play this game called yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can’t hear her.
Status By: anonymous
I get jealous over the stupidest things sometimes.

Status By: anonymous
I think the guy who invented ties was trying to commit suicide then he saw himself in the mirror & thought... "Wait, this looks nice."..
Status By: anonymous
How does Nasa organize a party?

They planet.
Status By: anonymous
Job applications be like: "If you`re on the job & John looks sad what do you do?"
Nigga i turn around and do my work..... fuck john
Status By: anonymous
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to watch animal planet, he might see his ex there. .
Status By: anonymous


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