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Drinking and eating facebook statuses

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I doubt vodka is the answer but it`s worth a shot
Status By: anonymous
Put a small glass of water in the microwave while you heat up your pizza: it will keep it from getting chewy.
Status By: anonymous
I either eat 20 meals a day or forget to eat at all there is literally nothing in between
Status By: anonymous
pizza won`t divorce you
pizza won`t betray you
pizza won`t cheat on you
pizza won`t fight with you

why don`t people just marry pizza
Status By: anonymous
Get Home
Status By: anonymous
Keep pizza warm on the way home :
Turn your seat warmer to keep pizza hot while driving home.
Status By: anonymous
when you`re broke af but you still continue to spend money on food
Status By: anonymous
I feel like there`s something missing in my life I don`t know if it`s a person, a puppy or just a burrito
Status By: anonymous
I`m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle
Status By: anonymous
me: I`m so full omg I`m not gonna eat for days
me: are those brownies
Status By: anonymous


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