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Teacher: "Where`s your book?" Me: "At home." Teacher: "And what`s it doing there?" Me: "Having more fun than me."

Sometimes the best way to stay close to someone you love is by being "just a friend"

Did you know : If someone truly loves you, they tend to hug you for at least 5 seconds or more.

Here`s a list of 50 things women can`t do. My favorite is the last one.Hahaha
WOMEN CAN`T

1. know anything about a car except its colour
2. understand a film plot
3. go 24 hrs without sending a text message
4. lift
5. throw
6. run
7. Parallel park
8. fart
9. read a map
10. rob a bank
11. Drive
12. sit still
13. tell a joke
14. play pool
15. pay for dinner
16. eat a kebab whilst walking
17. pee out of a train window
18. argue without shouting
19. get told off without crying
20. work the remote
21. walk past a shoe shop
22. make a decent sandwich
23. not comment on a strangers clothes
24. use small amounts of toilet paper
25. let u sleep with a hangover
26. drink a beer gracefully
27. get a round in
28. throw a punch
29. do magic
30. like ur friends
31. enjoy porn
32. eat a really hot curry
33. get to the point
34. buy plain envelopes
35. take less than 20mins in the toilet
36. sit in a room for 5mins without complaining about something
37. go shopping without phoning 20 friends
38. avoid credit card debt,or any other debt for that matter
39. dive into a pool
40. assemble furniture
41. roll a bogey between ur finger and thumb
42. Connect the Dvd or music centre up
43. not try and change u
44. watch a war film
45. understand why flirting results in violence
46. spend a day by themselves
47. go to the toilet by themselves
48. buy a purse that fits in their pocket
49. choose a video quickly
50. get this far without having argued with at least 70% of the above.

I say "I shouldn`t be telling you this" at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I`m saying.

Do you have a fever? Cause you`re looking hot to me.

When some things go wrong, take a moment to be thankful for the things that are still going right.

I don’t understand how some people can look good every single day.

Have you ever just stopped and realized that if you hadn’t met a certain person in your life, your life would be completely different. If you think of such person now @TAG him in a #comment :)

Getting into a relationship may seem tempting but so was getting on the Titanic ship and look what happened there